The Jungle Book (The real one...well not the real one as in real actors but real as...ah you get it)

Here is what I think the movie is about, but it most certainly is not about.

A young boy gets lost in the jungle, his name is Amiboweyyyy. His parents are famous explorers named Rufus and Janet. A panther eats them, then takes the child as his own.

The boy is then raised by a dancing bear, a snake and a lemur? They combine forces to drive out the evil hunter who is trying to turn the jungle into resort in Florida called Mar-a-Lago.

Alright here we go with the actual movie:

• I love the old time Disney trumpet music.

• Oh its an actual book. Now we are in the book. This is getting meta quick. If there is a play inside of the movie thats inside of the book, then now we are talking.

• That's right the boys name is Mowgli. The pre-movie credits spoiled that. Is that why we do the credits at the end now?

• Also the credits say "Copyright MCMLXVII" Can we go back to Roman numerals for copyrights? For anything really. "How old are you Jon? Well in January I'll be XXXIX".

• Side note my daughter is watching with me and she said that she loves the "Bare Necessities" and that Jonathan loves it. Who is Jonathan? I haven't a clue.

• Ok movie is starting. See...lost baby. This is Tarzan.

• Can you imagine if this movie was true to life and the Panther acted the way Panthers normally act when they meet a baby? That would be a quick movie.

• The color palette in this movie is fantastic.

• Baby Mowgli has the worst cry I have ever heard.

• That mother wolf gave him a sweet look. I'll bet she's a great mother...well for a wolf. Oh here comes the dead beat father.

• Ah Bagheera is taking Mowgli to the man village. So this isn't Tarzan, its Lord of the Rings. And Mowgli is the ring...uh oh.

• The character movements for Mowgli are impressive. Especially for the 60s.

• Is that the same snake from Robin Hood?

• Oh, its this Disney voice guy as the snake. So memorable. Also he was the voice of Winnie the Pooh.

• Uh oh I blacked out because the snake hypnotized me. Its been 4 days.

• "He won't be here in the morning" might be the most foreboding thing a snake can say.

• My daughter just said "This is my favorite part. He got his tail tied".

• Heres what I like about Mowgli. He's game for anything. March with the elephants...sure. That is the way to live a life. No Social Anxiety for Mowgli...he must be an ENFP.

• Why does the baby elephants have a bowl cut? Why does he have hair?

• "You have the word of Bagheera" I am going to start using that as a promise.

"Hey Jon, will you have that design done by the end of the week?"

"You have the word of Bagheera"

"Soooo is that a yes?"

• Elephant general calls his wife "Old girl" I don't think my wife would like me to call her old girl. Wait let me check.

......She said "nope"

• Here comes the dancing bear. We have people in Santa Cruz that dance down the street, humming and in a fog too, but I think the reason they do that is different than this jungle bear.

• "Balloo...that shiftless jungle bum" - When was the last time you insulted someone by calling them "Shiftless"?

Your homework for the week is to insult someone using that word. I promise it will confuse them and then you can walk off without a real fight.

• I find it funny that a bear has a concept of tickling.

• Ah here's "Bare Necessities". This is a great song. Obviously I have heard this one before.

• Those bananas look delicious.

• My daughter just said..."MMMMMMM ants". I'm pretty concerned about that.

• Balloo is doing that tree back scratch thing that old dads do when they are camping. That might be the most accurate scene regarding scratching an itch ever.

• I remember when I learned to float at the community pool when I was a kid. Then Seth tried to drown me. Thanks SETH!

• This monkey has a Beatles haircut too. Trying to appeal to those 60s kids.

• I like this jungle. Its filled with comically mischievous animals who don't eat people. Well except for that snake.

• Uh oh the monkeys are taking him. Hey remember that stupid monkey scene in Indiana Jones 4? That sure was a load of Bagheera.

• THERE IS A KING OF THE MONKEYS??? I want to be King of the Monkeys. I would be a benevolent ruler.

• The music in this movie is honestly amazing.

• I wish I could do jump rope with my arms like Louie. Can't really explain why, but I do.

• The music just overtook Balloo. I want to live my life like Balloo.

• Why does Balloo wear a grass skirt when pretending to be a Monkey?

• More tickling. This time with Louie. Tickling is a rampant issue in this community.

• Man this scene where Balloo is reluctantly walking with Mowgli off to get rid of him is heart breaking.

• "Whats matter ol papa bear?" Geez Disney why don't you just grab a knife and literally go for my heart?

• The structure of this movie is fascinating. We haven't seen a real villain since that council meeting in the beginning. I assume that a bad guy is coming but it's been a while without some real, rough drama. I like the pacing a lot.

• A deer! Is that Bambi? What if this whole thing is part of a Disney Expanded Universe where Dumbo is back at the Elephants home, Bambi gets eaten by that Tiger and The Lion King (shoot I forgot his name already) is prowling about?

• Geez what is up with this Snake and his creepy eye trick? Does he do it in all of his social interactions. Ah who am I kidding, if I had a crazy eye mind control trick I would too.

• I don't know if I have ever hated anything as much as I hate this snake song. Probably because the snakes voice is the same as Winnie the Pooh. It confuses my brain.

• This scene between the snake and the bad tiger is soooooo slow. I feel like I am under the snakes spell.

• These are some of the kindest Vultures I have ever seen represented. You know, those that have suffered, often understand suffering on a whole new level. Thanks for the wisdom, cartoon Vultures.

• I like the different musical styles for different Jungle communities. These Barbershop Vultures are great.

• Wait? I'm confused. Did the Vultures knowingly detain Mowgli or are they just cowardly?

• Watching this fight scene I realized I don't know if I have ever thought about what a fight between a bear and a Tiger would look like. But I will not google it. It will just ruin my night.

• NO, DON"T HURT BALLOO! HE'S JUST A SHIFTLESS JUNGLE BUM!

• Oh good the Vultures are in on the fight on the side of justice. I knew they wouldn't betray me...uh I mean Mowgli.

• That one vulture with the Beatles haircut is definitely an allusion to Ringo.

• This scene with hurt Balloo and crying Mowgli is heartbreaking. And beautifully colored and drawn.

• For a minute there I was really concerned Balloo was dead. These old movies can be cutthroat.

• Huh, so the bad guy is not dead? Just runs off with a fiery tail. As a pacifist I like that.

• Aw Mowgli is in love with the pretty water girl. Why is she not shocked that a boy in a loin cloth is just hanging out in a tree creeping on her? Although Mowglis face reminds me of my favorite Beatles song.

• Pretty smart for the water girl to just give him the ol side eye and convince him to carry the water.

• Very sweet and simple how Mowgli just says goodbye with a glance.

Ok so I really really liked the movie. The pacing was a little odd in places but for a 50 year old cartoon it really is amazing. It was simple and sweet. And this sounds silly for a cartoon but I really was not sure how the movie would end until it did. I would give this 4 Beatles Haircuts out of 5.

But more importantly...

My daughters review: "I like Balloos butt. I love the king of the monkeys too."

So there you have it. Balloos junk in the trunk is a hit with the ladies.

Oh and here is a drawing she made. Apparently Balloo will be starring as the Joker in the next Batman movie.

The next movie is "The Brave Little Toaster". I know literally nothing about this movie. I can only assume he's brave because he joins the school swim team.

Oh and I added a section on the home page where you can suggest other Disney movies not on the list.

I love you, byeeeeeee