Beauty and the Beast

So tonight I am finally getting to the second movie. Its been a busy couple of weeks. So we are trying something different tonight folks. My lovely wife Cara is joining me.

Now we are going to watch "Beauty and the Beast". The cartoon one. Not the one with Hermione.

So walking into this movie here is what I think it is about. In fact I will start doing this before each movie.

What its probably not about:

So theres a girl named Belle and she likes books a lot but there is a scary cursed beast man who maybe hates her for it and will someday love her for it.

The townspeople try to kill the Beast and so Belle gives herself up to the Beast and decides to live with him to show the townspeople he's not all bad. Wait...that doesn't make sense. She's a prisoner I think. Hmm I don't know. Then there is a flower for some reason and maybe he needs to give it to Belle because he loves her and then the curse will be broken.

Then he goes on a killing rampage and wipes out the town. But thats probably in the sequel.

Thoughts in real time while watching:

Ok here we go. Theres the good ol Disney castle.

• Wow this opener is really pretty. Cara said I love this scene. I want it on my wall. I have no idea what that means.

• The Prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind...and apparently a kidnapper.

• So the witch is good right? I mean she looks evil and like one of the bad witches but she was trying to teach him how not to be a dipwad.

• The beast isn’t even 21?

• I love how in Disney movies anytime you see a bad guys/ladies house its all stormy because of his/her attitude. Can you imagine if real life was like that? "Oh man, Terry really is in a bad mood today. Look at the lightning over his house".

• I want to live in Belles house. I love the wonky roofs in Disney places.

• There are some serious mustaches in this town

• The art looks so quaint compared to newer stuff. It really looks simple. Almost the way I remember the old movies like Cinderella looking. Also for fun keep your eyes on the background characters.

• She borrows a book from the bookseller? Methinks Belle is using her brains aaaaaand her looks here.

• Cara says she loves the bookseller. Methinks this bookseller is good with the ladies.

• Whoa, why are there so many freaking sheep in the town square? Isn't that some guys livelihood? Imagine the poop.

• I can already tell Gaston is a reaaaaallllll piece of work.

• Sheesh put on some shawls blonde triplets, scandalous.

• There must be more than this provincial life? You got a good thing going Belle. Quit complaining. Of course I would want to leave if the entire town decided to sing a song about how odd I am. Does this happen everyday to her?

• What if she is imagining all of this and it’s a huge display of neurosis. What if there is no Beast?

• Ha ha not right for a woman to read? Welcome to Trumps America.

• Ohhhh her dads crazy. Maybe she is imagining all of it.

• I see no family resemblance between Belle and her father. Am I thinking too deeply upon this?

• Ruh Roh. The Dad is on a dark and scary road. And he's lost? Dad needs Mapquest.

• Listen. If you are in a forest and the floor is covered in fog...TURN AROUND! You can take that life lesson to the bank.

• Listen old man. Stop yelling at Philippe. He is the only one with sense. Remember that you love him. You loved him enough at one point to give him that super cool name.

• This Dad is awesome. He sees a talking clock and candlestick and he is just curious. America needs more people like this man.

• I find it horrifying that the candle man has to be on fire. That’s scary.

• Aww cute ottoman.

• Angela Landsbury. I love her. Has anyone seen "Bedknobs and Broomsticks? Now that is a good movie.

• Poor pot lady. Her son is missing a chunk out of his noggin.

• Geez the beast is scarier than I thought. And he’s only 20? Millennials!

• Gaston has a wedding set up? Geez man take it a step at a time. Gaston is how I imagine Trump would be if he was handsome.

• Belle looks like Anna Kendrick. Its true.

• “I’m sorry Gaston I just don’t deserve you”. Ladies this is why men get confused. Mixed signals. Just kidding Gaston is a butthole.

• Hey why doesn’t anyone in the town remember the beast before he became the beast? He isn’t even 20 right?

• Are the dishes Mrs Potts other children?

• Side note I like this more than lion king. Sorry. Its really good.

• Seriously the beast is horrible. And he probably doesn’t floss so I’m sure his breath is amazing.

• Wow this jail scene the animation is way stepped up. I wonder if they poured more time into the second half. I'm not criticizing these animators are talented.

• Wait. Beast wants her to stay? So his whole game is to keep her there and hope she falls in love? And how did he know the guy had a pretty daughter that might fall in love with him? What was his end game if not?

• "DON'T GO TO THE WEST WING!" That’s where the Oval Office is.

• "You will join me for dinner. That is not a request". Hey beast, take a Xanax and a bubble bath.

• This Gaston song reminds me of old Disney cartoons I like it.

• Oh geez chest hair. Put that away man! Well it was the 90's.

• Ha ha "I use all of my antlers in decorating". I lived in Wisconsin. I’ve been in homes like that.

• These triplet girls freak me out

• I wish Angela Landsbury would read me bedtime stories every night.

• The animation is great in this scene of the beast pacing in front of the fireplace. I don’t quite get when and why he walks on all fours. Can you imagine if we did that when the whim hit us?

• "Please attempt to be a gentleman". Seriously. Ladies say that more often to men. I know you shouldn't have to but, well I have no excuses.

• "FINE GO AHEAD AND STAAAAAARVE". I think I have said that to my children when they don’t like dinner.

• Whoa creepy man. Peeping on Belle from a magic mirror.

• Oh my goodness. There is a whole cup family? Does she keep them locked up? If so then she is no better than the beast. I'm pretty sure at the end they will all turn back to humans so is she going to have like 43 children?

• So if I understand correctly from pop culture these are all servants of his right? I wonder if their characteristics in real life had an impact on what they became. Like the candle guy is romantic so he becomes a candle stick. If so then was the toilet just a total tool when he was human?

• Oh yes I’ve heard this be our guest song. It’s purely delightful.

• Wait. They are in France? Why is the candle the only one with an accent?

• Just once in my life I would like the cutlery and table cloth come to life and sing to me. Is that too much to ask?

• Oh 10 years. Clue. So the beast was 11 when he was cursed? I’m confused. I probably have that wrong.

• Ah yes the psychedelic song moment. Pure classic Disney. It’s like dinner Fantasia. Either that or someone spiked the punch.

• Be our guest is a solid song.

• Off to bed? She didn’t eat yet? Get the girl a biscuit at least.

• This house is huge. Wait I missed it. What happened to the rest of the beasts family? Are they furniture too?

• She’s headed to the west wing. Personally I make a point to never open a door with handles shaped like a monsters face. But that’s just me.

• Don’t touch my rose woman. It’s mine. And its sooooo pretty. Aren't you Rosie? Aren't you pretty?

• Poor beast. Man. He just looks exhausted. I really feel for him here.

• Poor Phillipe. This horse deserves a raise. Give him 2 carrots today sir.

• Ha in this beast/wolf battle scene I can’t help wonder how confused the regular animals probably are. What is that thing?

• There is no way she lifted Beast onto the horse

• Whoa who is this creepy pale guy? Gaston is chatting him up.

• Another good rule of thumb. If a person holds a coin in their hand and stares at it whilst maniacally laughing then they are no good.

• Oh look. Belle got a new dress. Green is nice on her. Compliments her hair color better than the blue. Sorry I'm a designer. Can't shut that off sometimes.

• Aw the beast is actually being nice now. I’m starting to believe this love story a little.

• Ah now she has a pink dress. Is the sewing machine an ex human too? Do they just throw up thread?

• Ha ha I’m so upset the beast didn’t get to throw that giant snowball.

• Yeah be bold and daring Beast. That’s been your problem man. You haven’t been bold.

• Ah this golden gown is how I remember seeing Belle. Oh and here comes the beauty and the beast song.

• This is beautiful.

• Ah yes I remember this whole dancing scene was as a huge computer generated thing that amazed all of us in the 1990s.

• Does the beast know that people refer to him as the beast? Because his tea pot is doing it in a song.

• Ha ha. “Belle. Are you happy here with me?” Yeah totally cool man. I mean I’m having a conversation with a giant creature man that is keeping me captive but yeah. I'd say I’m happy. It beats having to listen to the townspeople sing about how much they hate me.

• Can the beast not leave his castle? I’m confused.

• Uh oh. Chip is a stowaway. Awwwww cute chip voice. “Belle why did you go away?” “Well chip. It’s because your crazy animal master was keeping me prisoner in some strange prisoner trade that he made with my father because one time my father was travelling and needed help. You'll understand when you grow up.

• Again I don’t totally get Gaston’s end game here. So you love the beast huh? Well I’ll go kill him and then you and I will go for it.

• "Just let them come". Got to admire the beasts pacifist nature at the point in the film. I admire that sir.

• I’m enjoying this battle scene even though it’s a bunch of normal folks battling furniture. What’s that man doing with that feather duster.

• Yep it’s official. Gaston is a bad man. I don’t care what war you are fighting. What’s up with the giggling?

• Is the beast going to kill Gaston?

• Pause. I’m really excited that Mattie and Ruth are making me do this. How did I miss these films?

• Is the beast going to kill Gaston!

• Whew. And that’s what separates a beast from a man. Mercy.

• What? The jerk stabbed him? Oh geez Gaston fell into a pit. I know we didn’t see it happen but geez. A man fell to his death. How are they so calm? Oh right. It’s a cartoon.

• Ok the beast is obviously not dead. What a scary kids movie.

• Ohhhh LOVE. That brings him back. Of course.

• Side note. My wife just said “I always thought he was better as the beast.“ that explains our relationship.

• But seriously how awkward would that be if she saw him transform and she’s like....nah

• Oh look. Chip transformed. Where is the head injury?

• The character design of them all as humans is really good. They look like their furniture counterparts.

Well we did it folks. This was a great one. Great pacing, I didn't get bored. I think I like the Disney movies with humans. The next movie is Jungle Book so they have both.

This one really stands up to the passage of time. Music is dated but still really good. Its a super goofy story of course but that makes sense. I give it...4 lost brothers of Chip out of 5!