The Lion King

Ok well here we go, The Lion King. I have a feeling I know a lot about this one from just absorbing pop culture. I'll post thoughts as I watch.

- Oh hey, its that amaaaanawaaynaaaaaaaa song

- Is that creepy monkey going to throw the Lion King down to the rest of the rabbid monkeys?

- Oh right this is that part where holds him up. Can you imagine if humans did that? Outside the hospital you hand your baby to a nurse and he goes up to the roof and holds the little tot above his head.

- How old do you think Jeremy Irons was when he realized he had a super villains voice? Also his name is "scar"? No wonder he's evil. "I'm Mufasa and this is my brother facial defect".

- This movie is gorgeous. The animation looks sort of old because its not overdone like a lot of more modern Disney movies. I want to live there.

- The monkey is now making cave art. Back to our human analogy. Imagine now that you found the nurse in one of the empty rooms drawing a pic of your kid on the wall, rubbing Strawberry Jam over the head and saying "Gregorrrryyyyyyyy". I Hope this isn't culturally insensitive. Just shows how different animated animals are than humans.

- Whoa are those a bunch of lady lions sleeping in the Lion Kings bedroom? Awkward. And if they are part of his harem, then aren't there a bunch of other little Lion Kings? Where are the other children?

- Good lessons about being a King. Someone needs to get a copy of this film to Trump. Just kidding he wouldn't be able to sit still long enough.

- Uh oh. Hyenas. I'll bet this is where the Lion King dies. Scar just seems misunderstood at this point in the movie. Wait, never mind he's trying to trick the little Lion King into going to the creepy place. DON'T DO IT JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS!

- Man little Lion King is a jerk to the bird. And he is corrupting the sweet lion girl. Also the "Can't wait to be King" song just started. I've heard this one before. Also the animal hierarchy is very strange in this movie. The little lions are riding ostriches.

- Geez the Hyenas are frightening. Is that Whoopi Goldberg?

- Aww his little paw is so tiny in his dads pawprint. Such foreshadowing. You'll never be as good as he is JTT!

- I remember when my son was little and we would lay out on the lawn. Good memories. Then I would explain how all of the Presidents are stars and they will look down on him. "That one is Nixon, ignore him".

- These freaking hyenas are the worst. Ugh gross Scar just threw them a part of a Zebra. Thats disgusting. Is the scene where he kills the Zebra in the special features?

- Uh oh. Here comes the death scene I think. Man I looked away for a second. What kind of creatures are those? They look like devil bulls.

- C'mon Scar, HELP HIM!

- Did the fall kill Mufasa? Oh no, don't make the little Lion King go over and see the body. What kind of movie is this? Geez this is scarring (pun intended).

- I'm a 38 year old man! Why is this movie making me tear up? The music is really sad but really good at this part.

- Scar, you evil lion, get away from the little Lion King! Oh what a jerk. Blame the kid for the death? And telling him to run away? This movie is the worst.

- I swear Simba just fell down a hill as far as his Dad did and he is fine. What an illogical...oh wait I forgot it's a cartoon.

- Why does everything look super evil now that the Lion King is dead. Was Scar just waiting for this moment to start up the polluting factories?

- Ah here some comic relief. Puma and Tobo or whatever their names are. I've seen them before.

- Ok their names are Timon and Pumba. I think. They seem like nice chaps.

- I think this is where they sing Hakuna Matata. Even I know that one. The intro to this song is sooooooo long.

- WOW! The place where they live is so much nicer than the Lion Kings home.

- Ah now the Lion King is grown up. His voice still isn't nearly as cool as his dads (RIP).

- So has the bird been in that tiny jail for like the last 10 years or whatever? No wonder he's gone loopy.

- Yuck the Lion King just burped really loud. I hate the sound of belches more than anything on the face of this earth.

- It looks like they have a really nice life. If it wasn't for the PTSD I would be happy for the Lion King.

- This Witch Doctor Monkey is the best part of this movie. I want him to wake me up every morning. He could rub jam on my forehead and say "IT IS TIIIIIIME...to get up".

- Do you think in this movie there is another movie happening where the king of the insects is tricked by his brother and then dies at the hands of Pumba? Yeah me neither.

- Why do I find Nala attractive? Is that weird?

- Awww this is so happy. They are reunited. This movie would be a lot shorter if they had Cartoon Animal Facebook.

- Is he continuing to hide because he's scared of Scar?

- Let me just pop in and say, this is a really good movie. No wonder it's a classic. Doesn't feel like there are a lot of wasted moments.

- The animation is great. I really feel for the lady lion.

- Uh. Is there going to be some cartoon lion whoopie?

- Ahh that look Nala gives him makes me feel very awkward. What a weird part of the movie. Must have been super awkward for the animator. "Hey Chuck, how is the animal sex scene coming along? Do you think it will be ready by the 4th quarter?"

- Ha ha Lion King just called the creepy little monkey "Creepy Little Monkey". Speaking of the Monkey. Why is he the only one with an African accent?

- Wait, the Lion King isn't dead? Oh never mind. The monkey is just playing with Simbas emotions. I mean I get the message of the pond but geez monkey.

- Did the monkey slip something in the water? Simba is talking to ghosts now. This is the turning point for him I suppose.

- Wow Scar really screwed up the place. Is the end game here Lion King kills scar? I like to see how Disney movies always thread the needle of getting rid of the bad guy.

- This hula dancing scene seems so out of left field for this point in the movie.

- So what happens when the Lion King takes over again? Their land is screwed. Oh, I'll bet they go to Timon and Pumbas land.

- Uh oh. Face off time between Lion King and Scar. WHERE DID ALL OF THESE HYENAS COME FROM? Are they descendants of Whoopie Goldberg and the other one?

- I hate it when movies give a character half of the story. "Is it true you killed your dad? Well uh yeah I guess".

- Oh no, they are going to kill the mom too aren't they?

- Ah poetic justice. Scar is on a cliff. I'm a pacifist so I would prefer if he just went to animal prison.

- Ha this slow motion fight scene just looks like a slap battle.

- Whoopie is about to eat some lion. Yeah thats not scarring (pun intended) at all. How is there not an entire generation of screwed up children from this movie?

- Oh I see. Its raining now that mean man is dead. Looks like they can stay where they are.

Ok I liked it. It felt like it went by rather fast. I can see why this one has stuck around a long time. Simple story. Clear good vs evil and comic relief. So next movie is Beauty and the Beast. I think I've seen bits and pieces of that one. I know there is a flower and a girl that likes books and holding hostages.

Ok byeeeeeeeee